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I really don't know what to say right now. I have nothing profound, no words of passion to share. Today I am a little tired, physically, emotionally and mentally, and I just don't have the drive to post something that will wow your socks off.

It's not that there's nothing going on in my life. Quite the opposite, in fact. ResNet preparations are gearing up, Bass Media stuff is getting ready to try out some new ideas (can't spill the beans on that one yet, though), new BMT training is back on track (and exciting), I'm getting better at throwing on the wheel, and I'm getting ready to jump into some new planning phases for choir. I'm trying really, really hard to remain positive every day, to be grateful for each day, and to spread joy and love to those around me. I'm focusing on how much good stuff I have going on for me. Some days it's easier than others, and when I'm a little down I've got a fantastic support system to keep me going.

Nothing overly dramatic has happened lately. Well, a family friend passed away last week, but he and I were not personally that close. Yes, his loss will be felt and I'm sure that my mother will never find the perfect accompanist for 8:00am Mass at Little Flower again; it's sad and I was sad. But it's not as dramatic as other things have been.

I'm no longer a sick and wheezy walking pile of mucus. So, WOO on that part.

If you follow me on Facebook you'll know that I'm pretty pissed about Notre Dame, Republicans in charge of Congress on state and national levels and that I Stand With Planned Parenthood. I'm concerned about workers' rights in Wisconsin, and while I'm not throwing my social networking weight behind the revolutions that are happening in the Middle East right now (probably because I feel that we need our own revolution at home right now), I am certainly sympathetic to their causes and cheering them on in the background. But I'm not going to blog about that today, either.

It's not that things don't interest me. I don't think I'm depressed, either. Trust me, I have been down that road and this is not the same feeling.

It's more...I want quiet time. Time for reflection and meditative regrouping. I have been through hell and back again in the last four months, with a couple of side trips to purgatory thrown in for good measure. I think I'm at the point where I'm done with the anger and the yelling and the "FUCK YOU I AM AWESOME AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT" attitude that I had - needed to have - to get myself through some tough personal stuff. It's time for the slightly calmer, perhaps more rational Erin to come back out. Though if I turn into a pensive hippie, someone should poke me with a stick or dangle a new gadget in front of me or something.

I have been so angry for so long that letting go of the anger is strange. The anger is a normal part of the grieving process, as is letting it go. It's not that there's a void - I don't miss being angry and miserable by ANY means - it's that I'm not sure what defines me at the moment. Anger has been my constant companion for the past 4 months. It has been standing next to me from the moment I get up to the moment I fall asleep. We developed a give and take, a daily pattern. It was a both a rock to cling to and a force that propelled me forward.

I'll move forward, day by day. I'll let go and find peace in myself, bit by bit. I'll get there, step by step.