In other words...
Erin's List of Things That Drive Her Bat Shit Crazy*
- Inefficiency
There are 24 hours in the day. I spend roughly 8 of them sleeping, 2-3 of them eating or preparing food to eat, another ~7.5 at work, 1 hour of travel/outdoor time and 1.5 hours in transition between the states of sleep and work. That leaves me with around 2 hours of time for movies, books, cleaning, ParkerPuppy cuddle time, and whatever else I want or need to do. I do not want to spend any more time than I have to on Requirements (cleaning, food prep, daily duties, etc.). Less time with Requirements means more Erin Time. And I think we can all agree that personal time is awesome, and deserves to be hoarded.
So when I find ways to spend less money, less time, less resources on Requirements, I tend to make them part of my habits. I use retailmenot.com. I stack the wet, clean dishes in the rack for maximum drying ability while being able to easily take the stack apart so that everything can be put away in moments (hint: put like things together in the rack). I have the shower stuff organized in the order I use it so that I don't have to think about what I'm grabbing, I just go to the same spot every day and use it (shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash - you have to use the shampoo first because it comes before conditioner, everything else comes after conditioner so that you can leave it in for a little while to get everything nice and soft and smooth and shiny). I buy things on clearance ($1.50 bag of whole meal flour at Target, SCORE!). Make up is in a drawer organizer, grouped by item and color. All of this means that I can spend what's leftover from my resources, whether it be time or money or less stress on things that I actually like to do. Like sleep. Or read. Or attempt new complicated recipes of deliciousness. If you don't waste effort in the first place, you can do a lot of amazing things that you like with it later on. (Yes, sleep is wholly in the amazing category.) - Bad Drivers, and People Who React Poorly to Bad Drivers
Yes, Johnny Appleseed, I am totally looking at you. And yes, New England, am I totally staring you down about this issue. First of all, being a jackass driver puts you, the people in your car, and every other person on the road at risk. So contemplate the fact that jackassery has gotten people killed, and other people sued through the years, and that yes, Tiny Voices, it could happen to you, too. Both the death and the suing.
I could quote statistics at y'all until I'm blue in the face, but there's no point in that. I can't control the fact that not many people care about statistics because they don't have a personal connection to a set of numbers and a bell curve. But I CAN control how I react to the jackassery on the highway. And so can you.
Tell me, what does flipping someone off do for you? It certainly doesn't make you a nicer person, 'cause as Grandma Lucy would say "You are how you act and if that's the gesture or language that you're going to use, you are not a very nice person and you can leave." (Grandma Lucy is fully of nuggety wisdom.) What does honking your horn achieve? Alerting them to the fact that you have one? Congrats, I'm so glad that you have a working horn installed!! That's mega-awesome, dude. And obnoxious as hell.
Actually, I'll make the pop quiz super easy for y'all: it accomplishes nothing productive. Nothing good happened because someone flipped someone else the bird. Nothing wonderful occurred when you draped yourself over the horn for three very long minutes. You know what did happen? You reacted. To a jerk. And then you became an extension of that jerk. You have the self-control of a jerk. And a three year old. Actually, I'm pretty sure ParkerPuppy has more self-control than you in that jerk-moment, and he ain't the brightest bulb in the box.
So now we have a jerk, an extension of the jerk reacting to the jerk, and my dumb-ass dog being a better human being than you are. Ain't this a pretty sight. (If you can't hear my sarcasm, let me make it easy for you: this part is dripping with it.) Grow up. Be patient. Be polite. Use your turn signal; it's included for a reason. And stop making illegal U-turns in the middle of the street like a dumbass. Yes, I'm still looking at you, Johnny Appleseed. - People With Poor Planning/Communication Skills
Just email me the night before if we need to play Car Tetris. Seriously. We have a one lane driveway and I am not at your beck and call.
As far as those skills are related to everything else - if I think you are rude and/or stupid I won't take you seriously. Or I might take you seriously and try to ruin everything you do. Or I might wholly ignore your existence. Or any combination of those things, really. Making me think you are inconsequential (or a potential enemy) is probably really, really bad, because then I don't give a fig what you do or say or want or think. Eh, I'll just do it my way. Or I'll get super passive aggressive. I'm not proud of those moments, but if it gets me what I want or need, I'll live with it. (I'm surprisingly able to live with a lot of moral compromises. Comes with being a godless heathen and all, I'm sure.) - Religious Hypocrisy
I'ma let that one stew in your head for a while. Just know that I hate it. Lots.
*Bat Shit Crazy is a term I often use to denote levels of extreme craziness. See most references to my family for further examples.
